A big hello to my ardent followers. Yes, I am alive...I know I haven’t written anything from past two months and my blog was about to die from asphyxiation. A lot has happened in past two months and well buddies; I am back from S.S.B Bangalore with loads of learning, experiences and Jaundice. Yes, Jaundice. That is what I got as a return gift from Indian Army for kicking their job opportunity. So your God is feasting on boiled potatoes and steamed rice from past two months. And he has been restricted to savour all the other delicacies so as he could convalesce sooner. Huh. Apparently, a leading chewing gum company has now approached me for its endorsement. The tag line of the company says: ‘Zuban pe lagam’.
Other good thing that has happened is our department festival ‘Chakravyuha’10’ was a great hit. My contribution was in Sponsorship Department as a Sponsorship Head.
But this post is not about telling how great past few months were. But it’s about telling how great is Being Aalsi (Lazy). Yes, Being Aalsi. Straight from the heart of a Benaresi.
Right from my birth I have been accused of being the most indolent, slothful and ‘leechad’ personality ever born!
All my family members, friends, foes, relatives, non relatives, teachers, non teachers, drivers, sweeper, mopper, gardener, cook and everyone I could think of were always complaining, scolding and kicking me for this habit. And that made me wonder that am I an Alien?
Fuck no! I was wrong. I have just realized that this world was dying of jealousy. They were envious of not being aalsi. Wondering why?
I’ll tell you. Given below is a list that explains why this world is jealous of us:
1. We move the world (From here onwards I’ll write ‘we’ so as to express the feelings of all proud Aalsis). Obviously when we don’t move our ass then others has to move his faster so as to make a balance. Hence progress is done at a faster rate.
2. We save water on this planet. By not bathing frequently. Once in a fortnight is enough. (Here I would like to state that any one bathing more frequently than this is not an aalsi).
3. We don’t go for abnormal workouts like running 10 km. in a day followed by hitting four hours of gym and then finally cycling for two hours after six hours of swimming. Workouts are a strict no no. Our philosophy is No Pain, No Pain.
4. We don’t land up breaking our hearts. In fact we don’t get into a relationship EVER. That is because it does well.
No wastage of energy in shopping for her, No tension of remembering dates of B’days or celebrating kissing, hugging, ****ing, mate swapping, wedding, fighting, rib breaking, bone crushing, jaw dismantling , head banging, hair transplanting, divorce and death anniversaries. No early morning messages, meetings and greetings. Common dude, sleeping till noon is any day better than roaming aimlessly with a chick! And that too just roaming! I mean.........!!!
If the other sex calls for meeting in a garden, we prefer lying back in couch and enjoy music. The world can go to hell. Thank you.
5. Baba RanchhoddasChanchad once said: The best inventors are lazy by nature because they are always in search of shortcuts. All the best inventions are done keeping us in mind. For ex: Washing machine was invented because it was too tiring washing clothes with our hands, Remote control was invented because it was too tiring to change the knob. Yeah! Got my point. We also invent new shortcuts so as to complete the task as early as possible. The more aalsi you are, the more shortcuts you invent. According to my sources, impeccable as always, I have invented 28394653037 shortcuts till now. There are many more to come.
6. We take out the best of ourselves by procrastinating. Now for ex: I am writing this blog at 2:30 AM and at 9 AM, I have to submit my record. I was procrastinating the record work from past three weeks. Now I would recollect my super powers and complete it anyhow before nine. So you see how effectively I am going to do three weeks work in six hours. That is what innate in us. Optimal utilization of time is a salient feature of an aalsi.
7. We are too generous in giving employment to uneducated or unemployed people. Since we don’t do works on our own, we employ helpers (A euphemism of servants). So this not only helps the workers but also decreases the unemployment in nation. God! We are saviours on this planet.
8. We are so peace loving creatures. Have you ever heard of an aalsi going for controversies or fighting at backgate? I bet you haven’t. And you never will. Because it’s just not there in our habit. Sitting back and relaxing is a better option.
9. We are one of the sources of energy. Potential energy, precisely. Now you see, in this world energy is conserved. It can neither be created nor be destroyed. So why to waste it by converting it in kinetic form? Again we care for mankind as they say – Save energy, Save the Planet.
And so the list continues. Sorry, I won’t write further. I am feeling lazy to do so.
All above that the best part is that I am a Mechanical Engineer. Do I need to say more?
This post is dedicated to all my friends who keep advising me for not being aalsi, unorganised and unhygienic. I hope they can now understand how much fun, pleasure and happiness is there in Being Aalsi.
Wait a second....WTF is being hygienic??? Tch Tch.... I need to Google that out.
Ahh..it’s so pleasant to write for you guys. If only I could blog for eons. Anyways, you people have been so kind to go through my post. Now show some more kindness and leave a comment after you.
Love and Peace.
